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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Should I Become a Bisexual?

Today's answer comes from Clare.

A Problem:


well, first of all thank you. I promise to try and do something nice for someone I know, or randomly, in return.

I've only ever dated women but in the past year I've drunkenly kissed (my first ever) 3 men and I'm a bit confused. I half want to explore my sexuality but worried that I'll close the door permenantly on a wife n kids if I do - it's not something I really want to hide from any future partners.

There's a Queer social group in the town where I live - but I'm half tempted to only focus on my bisexual attraction to women and pretend I'm straight.

Coming out as bisexual feels much more daunting somehow than if I were gay.

I'm single at the moment - but ready for a romantic monogomous relationship - can half imagine this being with a man though.



An Answer:
Well, speaking as a fellow bisexual...

Sometimes we are viewed with suspicion bordering on jealousy because of our ability to pick and choose. I remember a certain amount of resentment in the separatist Gay Militant days of the mid 80s, because bisexuals had the ability to opt out of homophobia, by focusing on our heterosexual urges.

They were right. We can. You can ignore your attraction to men, and never have to face any prejudice or awkwardness.

But hell, what a boring (and oppressive) route to plump for!

And yeah, say the love of your life turns out, at some point in the future, to be a woman. Do you really want that woman to be the kind of person who will allow her relationship with you to be spoiled by homophobia?

You have a whole world of excitement and new experience just sitting there waiting for you. Don't deny yourself. Go for it.

Apart from anything else, maybe that love of your life has a six o'clock stubble or is camp as a row of tent pegs. Maybe those children you dream of will be part of the growing tribe of children adopted by gay men. Who knows? Go on. Shoo. Go find out.


By Clare.

[There may be more answers to this problem here]


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